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My dad died yesterday.
I'm doing ok. I feel sad, but at the same time, I can't feel too sad, because I was just so damned lucky to have him. I hit the fucking jackpot when it came to parents. I miss him, but at the same time, I feel this warm glow inside me. All those years of love and sweetness and making me laugh-- everything he gave to me is still in there. Love is real and goodness is real, and I still feel all his goodness in me, as solid and heavy as my own bones, and I hold it inside me and it is nowhere near as good as if he were here and I could talk to him... but it's still pretty damn good. I got 25 years with him-- how is that not a gift? It was given to me free, and the joy I had from it is more than enough to keep the sorrow down to a manageable level.
Anyways, I love you guys. Sorry that I've been so full of doom and gloom in my recent, uber-infrequent posts here. *grin* |
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Major news points:
Since I last updated, I started dating Leesa, the hot girl from work. It was awesome. It was everything I'd ever wanted. I didn't want anyone else. Stopped hanging out with Raymond, hung out with Lou only platonically. Felt truly monogamous for the first time in my life. She moved in when my Fabulous Roomie moved out (May? June? I don't remember.) 'Round about July things started getting shitty. By August, she was getting really emotionally abusive and finally I told her to either treat me decent or get the hell out of my life. 2 weeks later, 3 days before my birthday, she physically assaulted me at work. I had to call the police to get her out of the house, and it sucked. Restraining order. Arrest. Suckage. Threatening voicemails. Craziness. Bullshit suicide attempts. Craziness. Finally it got to the point that I didn't feel safe leaving the house or being at work, so I left town. Went to Albuquerque, NM and Portland, OR. Came back for the court date. More suckage. Perjury galore. She said she never hit me. And that she'd been intending to tell me things were over, anyways. And that she never wanted to talk to me again. Haven't spoken to her since, despite her almost-weekly attempts to contact me. Still kinda fucked up over her. Not going to date anyone again for a long time, I think.
Got a kitten! Her name is Trilla, and she's a ninja. Back before shit went down, Leesa was out walking her dog on the morning of July 4th, and a homeless guy came out of the woods and gave her this tiny kitten, and she brought it home. I am grateful on a daily basis that Leesa does not care for scooping cat litter, or else she probably wouldn't have left Trilla with me when she left, and I would be very lonely.
My friend Aimie got pregnant and just had the baby last Friday. She sent me pics, and while normally I think all newborns look like kind-of like umeboshi, I was quite impressed. I think he looks a little bit like Jude Law, but perhaps it's too early to tell. I'm really, really happy for her.
I have taken up spinning. So far I have not produced anything magnificent, but I'm really enjoying it.
I have this weird, masochistic experiment going on to see if I can go all winter without turning my heat on. So far, it's working out ok, but it's not particularly enjoyable. I think I will only be really proud of myself if I actually go all winter-- if I only make it til January, I'll just feel stupid.
...But I'm hoping to move out of here by January, anyways, so I guess it's a moot point.
Oh! And I cut my hair. After the horribleness of the court date, I was having trouble sleeping, and one night I finally decided that I needed to go and get my hair cut really short, get a bunch of tattoos and crazy piercings, and somewhere along the way develop a badass butch attitude and flirt recklessly with girls in bars. So, if you know me at all, you know that I have a tendency to make very long lists of things I need to do and then by the end of the day, I have completed maybe 2 of those things. So far I have gotten my hair cut. Maybe in a year I'll have managed a tattoo. We'll see. Emotion Sickness: cold Musicalicious: "Hide & Seek", Imogen Heap |
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(I am, apparently, in an e.e. cummings frame of mind.)
So... in the many months that I've been horribly neglecting LJ, what have I been doing? Lots of neglecting, mostly. I haven't hung out with my local friends Zach or Jason in a million years, and I feel kinda guilty about it. I have, however, been making friends with a bunch of people in the local knitting group that I now go to, and I gotta tell you, it feels so nice to have some female socialization from time to time.
Let's see... I also bought a car, back in early December... I don't think I wrote about that. It's a very secondhand Audi with all-wheel-drive, and I am very enchanted by it.
Umm... I still love my job at the yarn store. I still only work part time, and feel like I should be working full time, but, honestly, I don't think I have the time or the energy to do so. I don't know what I do with all my time, exactly, but apparently it's NOT sleeping enough.
Damnit, I'm so LAME! I have nothing to report! Highlights... highlights... I guess I've been doing a fair amount of socializing with family members in a more grown-up way, which is nice. In December, I went down to NYC to take the Japanese Language Proficiency Test (which I utterly failed, by the way-- I think probably I should've been taking the Level II test instead of the Level III test. Also, maybe I should've studied for more than just 2 weeks beforehand. *sheepish grin*), and stayed at my cousin Erica's place. She's married to a very sweet guy named David, and they have 2 kids. On that side of the family, I always had more contact with Erica's sister, Christine and Christine's husband and kids, so it was really awesome to really get to know Erica and David (who I previously had exchanged exactly 2 sentences with), and to play with their kids, who are both quirky and adorable. Also sometime in November, I went down to Philly to visit my beloved Aunt Carol. We went to the big Philadelphia craft show, which was just amazing. There was so much beautiful stuff, and it was all SO DAMN EXPENSIVE. I was inspired by so much. There was a crazy girl from Finland who made amazing felt hats, and a lady who made jewelry out of twists of paper and leather and other weird stuff, and it all ended up looking beautiful and organic and completely altered from the materials' original appearance that it seemed magical. There was a guy who just had rugs, just rugs! But they were all beautiful designs, and somehow he'd sheared the pile so that they were like... like frescos. With a little bit of three-dimensionality that just made them even more beautiful. I tried taking pictures, but it didn't convey the effect. There were a pair of super-gay weavers who I remembered coming into WEBS once. They were from P-town, and they were incredibly cute and friendly when they were buying yarn, so I was thrilled to see that their stuff was gorgeous. Jackets and shawls and all sortsa stuff. There were two people who worked in clay who I wanted to just kiss. One was a lady who threw pots and then carved away from them as much as she could, so that they were just... I dunno... like coral bones. Like rocks in the desert, worn down by wind and sand. Amazingly ethereal and beautiful. The other was a younger woman, closer to my age, and she made these beautiful, bizarre little sculptures that looked kinda like if a sea cucumber and a tiger lily had a torrential love affair. I wanted to buy one SO BADLY, but the tiniest, cheapest one cost a couple hundred, and I just couldn't justify it, especially since I didn't think I could get it home without at least one of its delicate little tentacles snapping off. There was a lady who made PURSES out of polymer clay, but they looked like WOOD. Crazy, no? But they were silly and wonderful and beautiful, and I found myself coveting one! CRAZY! There was one lady who I fell absolutely in love with who made paintings, only they weren't paintings. She was actually a weaver, and she would weave with different fibers, and then dye the weaving, and the different fibers would take the dye differently, and then she'd paint on it, and then she'd put shiny paper behind the fabric so you could see it glimmer in places.. I can't explain it, but the effect was like looking into a forest, all shadowy and layered. I seriously considered buying one of her pieces, but, again, super-expensive. Also, I have nowhere to put it. I decided I would wait until I had a place of my own, and then that would be my house-warming gift to myself. She was an absolute sweetheart, and seemed really pleased with my enthusiastic praise.
So that was awesome, but even if the craft show had sucked, just getting to spend time with my aunt was wonderful. We hung out, and talked, and went to breakfast together, and the farmer's market, and she made me collard greens, which I'd never before eaten, and I LOVED them. And we talked and talked and talked, about all sorts of things, from my love life, to what my mom was like as a child, to techniques on getting strangers to talk about themselves, to her problems with a new employee when a google search of him revealed that he used to be a fetish photographer. Sigh. Man, I totally can't wait til I have time to go see her again.
More recently, in January, I got to hang out with my mom's OTHER sister, my Aunt Lisa, who was in Boston on business. She and I have never been as close as Carol and I (partially just 'cuz she lives further away, but also just because she has a very blunt, confident personality, and I've always been terrified of her), so it was both interesting and enjoyable to go to dinner with her.
In love life news (because I KNOW you give a damn!), Raymond and I have been seeing a lot more of each other, and things just keep getting better and better. I feel like we're really comfortable with one another now, and yet still in the honeymoon phase where we're still really excited about everything. If I had time to write a filtered entry, I would go into detail about how amazing the sex is. But instead I will merely sit here with a happy little smile on my face for a few minutes. *sighhhhhh*
Ok, so that's the good. The iffy is my relationship with Lou. Back in January, we had a big fight, and since then things just haven't quite been the same. The fight was about money, and even though Lou eventually conceded that maybe I was right, and that buying Xbox games instead of paying his phone bill wasn't in his best financial interests, still, a lot of things were done and said during the fight that just made me feel... tired. I felt like I'd lost a lot of respect for him, and like I just didn't want to bother anymore. I still tried to see him at least once a week, but we mostly just hung out and watched TV while I tried not to be snappish and grouchy. I definitely saw Raymond a bit more often, and enjoyed myself more with him. Last night, Lou and I finally hashed it out, and I think things are on the mend... but for the right now, I definitely feel like the hierarchy of relationships has changed. It used to be that I thought of Lou as the constant, the solid foundation, the home to which I would return, my main papi... and now I definitely feel more devotion towards Raymond in that way. I dunno... it's weird, and I don't know what to do about it. I don't know if this is allowed. Can Lou stand to not be the Alpha in my life? Does it make me a fickle whore to feel this way? I'm conflicted about it, and confused. I don't know if it means that Lou's time is coming to an end, or if it's just one more phase that our relationship is going through, with many more to come in the future. Sigh. Anyways, I'm sure this is getting boring, me wallowing in my drama... but hey, what else is LJ for?
Now for the not-yet-sure: On Friday, Leesa at work revealed to me the following: 1) she's attracted to me, and has been from the moment she first saw me (YAY!). 2) she has a girlfriend, and has had one for the past 2 years (HUH? This seems to directly contradict what Malea said about her, which makes me REALLY want to sit down and get the facts from both of them). 3) They have an open relationship (umm... YAY again! Right?) 4) She's not looking to get into another relationship (um... FUCK! So why the hell'd she tell me she liked me, then? Just to torture me? ...actually, I could kinda get into that-- being tortured by hot women is apparently a hobby of mine... maybe it's just that they can tell that I like it? Hmmm... must work on that...). So yeah. I don't even know what to say about this. Except that I went to the company belated-christmas-bowling-party on Sunday with Raymond, and we got a good eyeful of her girlfriend, and it was generally agreed that even if we had to walk barefoot over hot shards of glass and then through a pool full of raw sewage and rattlesnakes, we would SO Hit That. I mean, she was Hot-with-a-capital-slap-in-the-face-of-pure-hotness. Good LORD have mercy. So yeah. First thing I need to do when I go to work tomorrow morning is pull Leesa aside and tell her, "Look. Your girlfriend is AMAZING. ...Uh... I mean.... we need to talk."
In other not-yet-sure news is Phil, the cute snowboarder in Burlington. Although, actually, tonight he's in Stratton, which is an oh-so-painfully-tempting hour-or-so away. I have told him repeatedly that I will gladly drive the hour-or-so to see him and have dinner with him, but so far he has not invited me up. His car died earlier tonight, and I also told him that I will gladly drive him back to Burlington if need be, and he seemed remotely interested. In our various communications (phone, texting, and emails), I have managed to pry out of him that he is definitely interested in a possible sexuo-romantic involvement with me, and is cool with (though not necessarily enthused by) the whole non-monogamous thing. So far he doesn't seem like a jerk, although I readily admit that I don't know him that well yet. If I had to write a profile of him in the back of a comic book in which he was a character (a la Johnny the Homicidal Maniac: Director's Cut), it would read:
Likes: running, snowboarding, cats, snakes, scorpions, conspiracy theories, curly hair, freckles, salmon, fresh produce, soy milk with cherry-vanilla granola, Spanish food, riding motorcycles at dangerously high speeds, reggae, working as a nurse in an old people's home, taking naked pictures of himself with his phone (not that he's sent me any, mind you-- but I'm workin' on it. ;-)
Dislikes: dogs, stupid girls, drunk girls who try to kiss him (which apparently happens frequently while he is doing the next thing on the list), working as a bouncer at a club, running into trees while snowboarding, driving without a valid license, having to choose between snowboarding all day and going to work so that he can make rent that month, when his bedroom is messy, George Bush.
I mean, granted, that's a pretty good start as far as our compatibility goes... but it still leaves a lot of territory as-yet-unexplored. There's still plenty of room in there for him to turn out to be a jerk. Sigh. I hope he's not. I am so very, very into him. *such a dweeb*
Yikes, it's late, and I have to get up pretty early tomorrow morning. I'm possibly meeting Aimie for tea, and I also have to get my wheels aligned at 8. Sigh... and then work. And after work, I might meet Lou for Valentine's Day dinner, if the snowstorm doesn't prevent it. And after that, knitting group. And I had plans to get up early and bake linzertorte cookies for Valentine's Day for my coworkers, but I'm not so sure it's going to happen now. *LAZY and LAME!*
*hugs to all*Emotion Sickness: good Musicalicious: Damien Marley, "And Be Loved" |
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Exciting news in the dating world:
-There's this girl who comes to the yarn shop a lot and she totally asked me out. Granted, she has a husband, and he's not yet sure how he feels about us dating, but STILL!!!! A girl likes me! Joy! (she's really hot. and she knits. worst case scenario, we become really good friends with lots of flirting. There are certainly worse fates. *grin*)
-Flush with my newfound confidence from the OMG-a-girl-actually-likes-me, I went up this total stranger in the ski lodge on Monday (for those not-in-the-know, I'm up at Smuggler's Notch with my family this week, for my annual bit of snowboarding), and I totally just gave him my number and told him to call me if he wanted someone to go snowboarding with later in the week. (Backstory: I was driving towards the lodge parking lot 'cuz I was meeting my parents for lunch there. I saw him on the side of the road, lugging his snowboard, walking towards the lodge. We made eyecontact, and when I checked my rearview mirror, I saw him turn around to watch me pass. He was REALLY cute, so I parked as quick as I could and then practically ran to the lodge to see if he was there. I saw him upstairs, right where I was also meeting my parents, and as he passed by us, I made eye contact again, and he said "hi" to me, so once my parents and I were settled, I sneaked away to find where he was sitting and accost him with my number.) Anyways, I was so damn proud of myself for being so cool and bold and whatnot, that I almost couldn't even care if he actually called or not. But then he DID! And we went snowboarding all day today, and it was AWESOME! Mind you, I had to abandon JJ (who came up to snowboard with me for a couple days) for the morning, but I can't even feel too bad about it, because I am just all atwitter about this guy. His name is Phil, he's originally from Brooklyn (*swoon!*), and he's HOT. He laughs at all my dorky jokes, and he's really laid-back and doesn't think I'm a loser for staying at home with a book (or knitting) most nights, because apparently he does that a lot, too. He has a cat, and he cooks, and he has a simply spectacular head of dreads. He's also a really phenomenal snowboarder, so I felt guilty about tagging along with him, but I think he must actually enjoy my company or something, because he said I could snowboard with him again tomorrow. Whee! Ok, I have to go to bed now. I will try to update more regularly from now on, but my computer is currently broken (I'm borrowing my dad's laptop right now), so who knows how that'll work.
Shout-outs to my darling Lou, who I'm sorry I haven't called all week. I love you! *nuzzle*
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Been working like a dog lately. All my coworkers seem to have gone missing. Much tiredness, but at least I still love my job.
This weekend Raymond took me up to NH and we went dancing and slept on the floor in the basement because the renovations are still going on upstairs. My back is still cranky from that.
My parents' birthdays are on the 15th and 16th of October, respectively, and for my mom, I made her a mix CD with plenty of reggae on it (because she loves reggae, oddly enough), and also made her an apple cake (recipe courtesy of the wonderful ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) creachadair). For my dad's birthday I made sushi, with extensive help from both Raymond and mom, because I am a mess in the kitchen, and if I have to keep track of more than 2 things at once, well, things get burnt. In this case, it was only butter, thank goodness, but that was only because mom has a much better sense of smell than I do.
I finally finished JJ's hat, and of course forgot to take pictures of him wearing it, because I'm an idiot and bad, bad LJ knitting community member. Oh well. Maybe I'll ask him to take pictures himself and send them to me. I have no idea whether he actually likes it or not. He claimed it was warm, which is good, I guess.
As I may have mentioned, I used to work at Florentina's, which is home to some of the best pizza and pitas in Western Mass. I went there this summer and the owner and I got to catching up, and he mentioned that he owned Fire Cuisine, which is this trendy little place across the street from Moshi Moshi (which I also love). I promised him I'd check it out, and Friday night after another long, crazy day at work, I was feeling way too exhausted and stressed to cook for myself, so I decided I'd keep my promise. I made friends with a cute waiter named Dwo, who had long dreadlocks and a slight accent and teased me about putting so much milk and sugar in my tea. I went back the next night with Raymond, and then again last night by myself again. The cooking isn't as good as at Florentina's, but the tea is excellent, and the atmosphere is wonderful. I like sitting up near the window and looking out on the street, drinking my tea and knitting. I think it will definitely become my new late-night hangout. Last night, Dwo wasn't there (to my disappointment), but the waiter I did get was very cool, and by the end of the night I'd charmed a promise of a mix CD out of him, so I considered the excursion a success.
Tonight I go to see the Suicide Girls with kittyarrr! I am super-excited.
In other hot-girl-news, I have taken to flirting with Leesa, my cute shaven-headed coworker. I complimented the hat she was wearing one day, and she told me she'd had it for forever, and showed me the huge hole in the top. I told her maybe she should sew it closed, and she kinda scoffed and said she didn't sew. I shook my head at her and told her that not sewing was maybe excessively butch, and somehow by the end of it she'd talked me into mending it for her. So now I think we're friends. Also, did I mention that she's cute?
Malea (now with the correct spelling!) is on vacation, and I miss her desperately. Sigh. Why must she be so unbearably hot?
I haven't had the time or energy to clean my room in many weeks, now, and it's starting to smell funky. Sigh. I hate cleaning my room.
To do today:
-bike to Amherst to pick up my kick-ass boots and leather jacket from the cobbler (and this time I will not go so late that I end up having to bike home in the dark like LAST Tuesday. Because the Norwottuck Bike Trail is very dark and scary and deserted at night. And I almost got sprayed by a skunk. Which isn't nearly as bad as getting, say, raped and murdered because you're stupid, stubborn idiot with a headlamp who's like "Sunlight? Psh! I don't need no stinking SUNLIGHT to bike home!" ...but it would still suck. Anyways, where was I?)
-sit and drink coffee and knit in the Esselon Cafe
-hit the post office to mail off my latest bookmooch.com book*
-stop by work to try to arrange some time off for the first weekend in Nov. so I can visit my aunt in Philly
-did I mention SUICIDE GIRLS??? *excitement*
-sigh. clean my room, I guess. *pout*
-also, I suppose some showering and getting dressed and eating breakfast is in order...
*Sorry Maria, both for not responding to your (*cough*extremely snarky*cough*) voicemail, and also for the fact that you won't be getting your books anytime soon-- I mailed them and everything, but the post office returned them to me last Thursday, with a little note saying "AWK", which is either the noise that the post-person made when trying to lift the box, or else an abbreviation for "awkward". I do not know. Either way, I guess I'll have to repackage them and send them in little bursts. Does anyone know if the post office will refund your money if they end up not delivering a package? Emotion Sickness: hungry Musicalicious: "Boner", Grand National |
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Today was a long, trying day at work (tons of customers who were affronted that we wouldn't accept their returns, despite their blatent violations of the return policy), and I was too exhausted to do more than kick off my shoes when I got home. But after some lazing in bed with a book, hunger finally won out and I put my shoes back on and took my book out for a panini at Andiamo's up on Main St. (I'd never been there before, but I heard one of their ads on the radio, and it mentioned that it had panini and gelato, and right then and there I swore that I would visit it before the week was out.) It was delicious. While I was walking there, a kinda sketchy guy with scruffy-blond-white-boy-dreads commented on the way I was "strutting", and I couldn't help but grin at him because, I'll be honest, I was still in my nice work clothes, I'd thrown on my hot new jacket... and I was wearing my boots, which always make me kinda swagger anyways... so yeah, I was kinda strutting a bit. Or a lot. *sheepish grin*
Anyways, after eating, I set back out for home, and just down the street a little ways (in front of the church where people always hang out) was this crazy impromptu outdoor music-y gathering thing with three guys with guitars and one hot girl with a huge hoop (like a hula hoop. Only way, way cooler. ame_chan knows what I mean, I'm sure.) The music was a kinda mellow reggae, and I sat down on the edge of the grass and pulled out my book and just listened for a bit, and it was awesome. And then this pretty white moth flew down in front of me. I really love moths, so I put my hand down and let it crawl onto my thumb. And then I breathed on it, soft and warm, the way you breathe on eyeglasses, because it was kinda cool out, and I know that both moths and butterflies like to be breathed on like that when it's cold (don't ask how I know this-- all I have to say is that it involves many summer nights as an insomniac angsty teen spent sitting out in the garden.) Anyways, it seemed to really like that, because it just chilled on my hand for the whole time I was sitting listening to the music, which was 20-30 minutes, I'm sure. Sometime in there, the previously-mentioned slightly sketchy guy came by on a bike, and stopped in front of me and introduced himself. Since I tend to freeze up whenever someone shows even the remotest interest in me, it was pretty easy for me to do the distant-but-friendly thing, which I felt surprisingly un-guilty about. I think the fact that he was smoking helped with that. *grin* After Eli, I resolved to quit smokers. Also, I had no attraction to him whatsoever. So that helped. Anyways, he commented on my befriending of the moth, which I admit I was kinda proud of. After he left, the moth left my hand and fluttered up to sit half on my cheek, half on the earpiece of my glasses. I was very, very pleased. I REALLY like moths.
The concerty thing started disintegrating into a sorta jam session, and my butt was getting damp from sitting on the grass, so I got up and started home, trying to keep my strut slow enough (usually I walk really fast) so that I wouldn't blow the moth off. Apparently I succeeded, because a few minutes later when I ran into my hot co-worker Melea (who I'd just been thinking about, of course! because I'm a crushed-out loser like that) and her two friends down on Pleasant St., her friend (whose name I of course can't remember) whipped out his camera and took a picture of me. I can't tell if Melea was freaked out or impressed by my moth-taming skillz, but I managed at least to reassure her that it was alive and riding on me willingly. I hope she was impressed. Sigh. I want her SO BAD. Anyways, where was I? I don't know. I made it home with the moth still chillin', and I tried to take a picture of it. Apparently the flash agitated it, though, because then it fluttered off onto my bed. I picked it up with a piece of paper and tried to feed it some honey water, but it doesn't seem interested. It was chilling on my hand for a bit, but it didn't like it when I was typing, and fluttered off to somewhere behind my moniter. I'll find it in a bit.
Many pictures will follow, because I'm a dork like that.
...I just realized while cropping pics that OMG I was wearing my favorite moth shirt tonight! No wonder the moth liked me! *such a dork*
Sep. 16th, 2006 @ 09:53 pm
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Alright, so I'm starting to be embarrassed by how long it's been since I've posted. Especially because it's gotten to the point that I start talking in my head about stuff that I'm doing, prepping myself for the LJ post that I know I will never write.
So that's no good.
So here's my little update.
Health: generally good. I am not getting quite enough sleep, but almost. My skin is, as always, freakin' out, but c'est la vie. I have been slacking on the exercise front, but I have a work-out date with Lou this morning, and the weather is still nice enough for me to bike to the Esselon Cafe on my days off, so that's all good.
Job: I still love my new job. It exhausts me, and I've been there a month, but am still asking people all sorts of stupid n00b questions, but they don't seem to mind. Hopefully this is because they find me charming, and not because they've just accepted that I'm a moron. There was a big company picnic thing this past Sunday, and I got to run the 3-legged race with my main coworker crush, Melea. I cannot even begin to express how exciting that was. Alas, we didn't win, but I think we came in second. I don't know. I was distracted. My other main coworker crush, Pete, is married, but I got to meet his wife, and I adored her (because she is 1) hot, 2) funny, and 3) told me I was really cool for making sushi to bring to the picnic), and so it's ok that he's married, because at least he's well taken care of.
Japanese: for those of you not in the know, I'm planning on taking the Japanese Language Proficiency Test in December. Have I studied at all in the past month? Unless you count the eavesdropping I did on the cute Japanese couple while I was nursing a latte at Haymarket... um... no. I suck.
Romance: I am the luckiest girl alive. I don't really know what else to say. I have not one, but two (two! ah-ah-ah!) requited love situations. Lou and I are coming up on 1 year (which is funny, because he still says to his friends things like, "Yeah, Megan and I have only been going out for a couple months, but it feels like forever!" Ha! Joke's on you, Lou! *grin*) Raymond says he loves me, and although I have huge insecurity issues and go through the 'There's no way he could possibly be really interested in me!' panic on a regular basis, so far so good. So yeah. Neither relationship is perfect (Lou and I in particular had a nasty fight about a week ago), but things are definitely 1000 times better on the love front than they were a year ago. *me gusta mucho*
Knitting: I have finally made progress on JJ's hat (which I promised him last winter, of course)! I rule! It's about halfway finished, and I'm holding off on finishing it because I want to get him to try it on and pick out a cable pattern for the brim. But I am awesome! He might even get it before it starts to snow!
I am also making quick progress on a scarf for Lou (which I also promised him last winter). The tabi socks I made for him are languishing in my bag, however-- all I need to do is embroider a little bit more of the kanji on them, but I just can't seem to find the wherewithall to do it. I am lame.
My book-culling project: despite my efforts (I even took a bunch of old textbooks to the Smith bookstore and got --whee!-- totally ripped off to the tune of $30 dollars for 10-15 books, one of which was a big, thick Chinese textbook STILL IN THE SHRINKWRAP that I guarantee cost me more than $70 new-- yes, I know I probably should've half.commed 'em, but I just couldn't bear the thought of having them lie around anymore while I waited for them to sell), I still have way too many books. I don't really even have time to put them all up on bookmooch.com, and even if I do, I don't think I have much that people want. It's very sad. I don't want to just throw them away. If you asked for books from me and still haven't gotten them, be patient-- I know I still have at least one box o' books sitting on my bedroom floor waiting for me to have time and energy to go to take it to the post office.
Horticulture: All the plants on my windowsill are doing fine (1- the awesome, incredibly resiliant ivy I got at a yard sale back when I was dating Eli and have almost killed, like, 40 bajillion times now; 2 & 3- the two succulents I got at the Smith plant sale a few years back, one of which looks like short, fat grass, the other of which is luna-moth-colored and has big, fat lobes growing out of its central stem; and the most recent addition, the tiny red rose plant that Lou got me out of the blue one day. It bloomed a few weeks back, and they smelled AWESOME and lasted for a really long time. I am very happy that I haven't killed it yet, because of the 4 of them, it needs the most regular watering.) The amaryllis downstairs, however, has one big leaf that is slowly turning yellow, and since it's not like it has more than 4 leaves at a time, I am a bit worried about it. I can't tell if I'm watering it too much or too little, though. I'm positive it doesn't need more sun, though. Sigh. I am such a bad plant-lover.
In other news: I cannot for the life of me get my computer to play the subtitles when I try to watch DVDs. I've done everything you're supposed to do (turned them on in the DVD's subtitle menu screen, used the DVD player program's settings to turn them on, fiddled with the security settings even...) but no go. Any advice?
Love you all!
Sep. 12th, 2006 @ 09:59 am
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| » omg books! |
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Just so you guys understand the severity of the situation here...
For those of you who haven't yet checked out my mad phat book giveaway, please take a look here:
http://gishmi1ish.livejournal.com/56426.html
Aug. 21st, 2006 @ 11:45 pm
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| » books! |
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Sorry I haven't updated in forever-- I've been busy because I have an awesome new job! Yay! I now work at the ultimate yarn mecca: WEBS. (www.yarn.com for those not in the know. *grin*)
I love it to bits. It's the best job in all the world.
Anyways, why I'm REALLY posting is because I'm trying to clear out a hell of a lot of books from my life, and I've tried to make a pile of the ones that I don't want... but that some of you might. So here's a handful of them (I will update with more later, so keep an eye out), comment to claim them, first come first serve (or, you know, feel free to squabble amongst yourselves if you like). And of course, if you live far away, I don't mind paying the shipping costs, because really, I just want them to find a good home.
Love to you all!
--meg
BOOKS! ( See the list behind the cut... )
Aug. 21st, 2006 @ 03:35 pm
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| » goodness |
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Well, sorry again for the lack of posting. I won't go into an exhaustive update right now, because I have too many chores left to do (mostly pounds and pounds of laundry, general tidying, and lots of grocery shopping-- if it rains, I might end up having to enlist Raymond and his car for this last bit...)
In recent history, though, I've been sick (not too bad-- head cold with possibly minor ear infection that's now completely gone), and also biked to Amherst one day (last Saturday) to hang out with Jason a bit, which was awesome. Also, I went to Connecticon with Lou on Sunday, and for the occasion I knit him a pair of tabi socks (the split-toe kind you wear with geta) in 3 days. But then I bound-off wrong, so he couldn't get them over his feet. I remedied this the other night, though, and when he tried them on again yesterday, they fit perfectly. They're enormous, as one might expect from someone with size 13 feet, and I'm very, very pleased with them.
Anyways, today is shaping up to be an awesome day, despite the chores. I got not one but TWO awesome things in the mail today:
-a postcard from Maria, who's in Tunis, which utterly warmed my heart (I love you, Maria!)
-a mix-CD care package from my darlings on the West Coast, i_am_lono and ame_chan, which I am currently listening to, and LOVING! I love you guys SO SO SO SO SOOOOO MUCH!!! *huge hugs to both of them*
I cannot think of anything that makes me feel more loved than receiving things in the mail. I will endeavor to mail my loved ones more things.
In other great news, I applied on Monday to my beloved local yarn shop, WEBS. Early this morning, I discovered that they emailed me back to ask for an interview! I am sooo psyched! Employee discount, here I come!
In further quite-good news, tonight, Lou, Raymond, my fabulous roommate, and I are all going to go to see Pirates of the Caribbean together. It will be a very unprecedented get-together, and I am crossing my fingers that it will all go amiably. Raymond's interactions with the other people in my life has been fairly minimal so far, and his conversational style with people he doesn't know well is one that could best be described as "a bit mollusk-y" (as in: it often seems that it's easier to pry open an oyster than it is to pry more than 3 words out of him.) I definitely still like him (though I am definitely out of the NRE/honeymoon phase), but it does frustrate me sometimes. *shrug* In any case, I'm really hoping that with the three of us working together to get him to talk, he'll crack and finally display in public all the charm and wit that he shows when he and I are alone.
Either way, I'm looking forward to the movie. I don't care how crappy it might end up being-- there will be Johnny Depp goodness, and that's all that matters to me. *grin*
Anyways, time to get back to work. Or rather, TO work, since up until now, my productivity has been limited to:
-getting out of bed
-throwing on something clothing-like
-making myself a very late breakfast of ramen-with-egg
Love you all!
Jul. 13th, 2006 @ 12:39 pm
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| » not a real update |
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Just a fun meme I stole from tara...
Favorite phrase when you have:
1. Ate food that tastes bad: *wince* Chotto taihen desu ne! (Japanese for "That's a bit difficult!")
2. Stubbed your toe: A long, indrawn hissing noise like a leaky balloon.
3. Become frustrated: Trifling whore! (or some variation thereof. Favorites include: "Trifling whore that you are!"; "Why must you trifle with me?"; "Whore!"; or, when I really want to let loose, "Trifling whore with your trifling whorishness!" Please note that this is never directed at people, only at inanimate objects/situations/my own clumsiness.)
4. Broken something: "Oh, motherfucker.", or "Please don't hate me, but I think I might need to buy you a new _____."
5. Been cut off by another driver: This is the one case in which I will use "trifling whore" to refer to another human being. "Stupid whore" also gets used occasionally. I also regularly will say "Howzabout..." in a very snarky way (as in: "Howzabout you NOT cut me off when I'm trying to take that exit, whore? Howazabout THAT?"
Disclaimer: I would like to state for the record that I bear no ill will towards sex workers of any sort, and that when I use the term "trifling whore", I do so 1) because it rolls off the tongue so nicely, and 2) because of my lack of ill will towards sex workers, especially whores. When I'm really angry about something (instead of just momentarily frustrated), I never say "trifling whore". Instead, I tend to use genuine insults or curses, my favorites of which are "Asshole"; "What the FUCK?"; and "What the HELL were you THINKING?"
Jun. 4th, 2006 @ 01:31 am
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| » all's well that end's well, right? |
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Well, it's been a kinda miserable weekend, and really, a rough past couple of weeks, but it's in the past now, and I'm going to go to the mall today and try to replace the clothing that fell out of my backpack while tromping around lost in Boston with Nabil (long story-- maybe eventually I'll tell it), and hopefully the consumer whore in me will be enough appeased by this that I will feel better. Also, there will be pretzel bites. Mmmm...
In other good news, (since I feel like I've done too much whining lately), last night on my way out of Boston, I stopped by Harvard Square to say hello to Ronny-the-cute-newsstand-guy, who I hadn't seen since our date on... *thinks about it* at least 2 weeks ago, I think. Maybe longer? Anyways, he'd been getting very antsy about not seeing me, and accused me of not really liking him and all that... which is so far from the truth that it really upset me. Anyways, I dropped by the newsstand, and he asked his coworker to take over the register while he came outside to talk to me. And the whole time we were talking, I kept staring at his mouth, and thinking to myself Maybe I should just kiss him. Maybe then he'd stop worrying about whether I actually like him or not. God, but he has a gorgeous mouth... So after the 3rd time I'd said that I really had to go, I had almost talked myself into being bold enough to just kiss him-- at least on the cheek, if not the lips... and somehow or other we ended up hugging again, and he said that he really wanted to kiss me, and I said something stupid like, "Oh do you?" and he asked if I wanted to kiss him, and I, master of understatement that I am, said, "Maybe a bit..." and then there was, indeed, kissing, and it was like everything else just fell away-- I remember thinking to myself that all the shit I'd been through that weekend was worth it, since it culminated in this. So yeah... that definitely put the spring back in my step, and made me even more committed to getting my ass back to Boston soon. Sigh. One day, I swear, I'll grow out of this starry-eyed romantic phase... really. But probably not until I get my heart broken at least another 20 times.
Anyways, time to get my lazy ass out of bed so that I can walk downtown to see Lou and borrow his car to go to the mall. Alternatively, I suppose I could just wait til he gets out of work and make him go to the mall with me, in boyfriend/gay-shopping-buddy mode (god, I love how he can fill both those roles!), but we didn't get back from Boston until really late last night, and I know he'll probably want a nap more than anything else.
So. In conclusion? Nothing too life changing has happened recently, but I do have a renewed commitment to my philosophies of:
-steal (or create) what pleasure you can, when you can, and enjoy it to the fullest
-always bring a book/knitting, even if you don't think you'll be waiting long
-worrying doesn't ever affect the real world, it just makes you less capable of problem-solving. breath deep, trust that everything will work out in the long run, and put your imagination to work at finding the things that you can do.
May. 28th, 2006 @ 11:41 am
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| » night of the useless links |
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I am so in love with this (worksafe, for those who care):
http://nurit.forotech.com/bring.jpg
May. 19th, 2006 @ 02:16 am
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| » an amusing article |
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I don't usually bother with the stupid MSN articles, but this one caught my eye as I was checking my hotmail.
The art of dating around
Basically, it's like training wheels for polyamory (in my opinion). They try to disguise it by saying 'Oh, well, really it just makes sense for you to date many people so that you can find THE ONE all the faster...' but I prefer to believe that they're just doing their part to help ease society into accepting the idea that maybe exclusivity and monogamy aren't always the ONLY option, and the absolute right thing to do.
*shrug* But then, I always have been a bit of an optimist...
May. 18th, 2006 @ 11:59 am
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| » much ado continued |
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When last we left off, our heroine was describing her adventures in Boston over the past weekend....
Alright, so I mentioned hanging out with hermionesviolin, and going to Maria's capstone, and meeting the cute newsstand guy... what else was there? Oh yes!
-Thursday night, after Maria's capstone, we all (myself, Maria, ladderrat, Maggs, Maggs' friend Ellie, Ellie's boyfriend, and Maria's friend Wing and HIS girlfriend) went to a restaurant called Panang, I think? *shrug* I don't really remember. Delicious roti-with-curry appetizers, in any case. I had mango ice cream for my main course, which made me very happy. Then we went clubbing, which also made me happy. Some random guy came up and ground against me from behind for a few songs. His hands were all over my belly and my thighs, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I think I would've enjoyed it a lot less if I'd been there alone, but I felt very comfortable, knowing that Maria and Maggs and ladderrat were all ready to leap into action if I needed help in fending him off. I admit, I was glad when he finally moved off to someone else, though, because it was hard to dance properly without elbowing him from time to time. *grin* All the hot guys were gay, which didn't do me much good, but there were also lots and lots of hot girls grinding on each other, which made for some fabulous eye candy, even as it gave me little pangs inside.
-Friday, Maria took Maggs and I to see the Isabella Gardner museum, and I loved it. It was kind-of horrifying to think that such a grand space was originally a private home, though. I mean, sure, it's beautiful... but who needs to live like that? Honestly! Also, before we left, I think one of the cute security guards wiggled his eyebrows at me when he caught me staring at him, so that was fun. Sigh. Going to musuems always makes me wish I could collect art.
-Friday night, Maria and I were going to just chill at home and watch Firefly, but then Nayad (Maria's smokingly hot housemate, upon whom I have a crush the size of Jupiter) came home with a cute guy friend, and that blew our plans all to hell. We ended up hanging out in Nayad's room with the guy (and ladderrat also joined us when he got home), and I gave both Nayad and the guy shoulder rubs, and was much complimented for my skill (which made me blush with pleasure). I also rubbed Maria's back, but she was underenthused. Also, I received a backrub from Maria which made me moan with pleasure in a way that everyone else teased me for. And then ladderrat and Maria left the room for some reason, and Nayad decided she wanted to curl up in bed. So she did. And then she invited myself and the cute guy friend to curl up with her. And I kinda froze in that deer-in-the-headlights kinda way, and laughed nervously, and then the guy lay down to one side of her, and I was like Oh god help me! and squeezed myself in on the other side, so I was crammed between her and the wall. And then Maria came back and jumped on top of us all, and that of course only increased the awkwardness level, so I was both disappointed and relieved when ladderrat came back and we had to sit up and rearrange ourselves. So yeah. That was very enjoyable... if a bit terrifying at times. Sigh. One of these days I'll work up the nerve to flirt with a girl, I swear.
Really.
...sigh...
Anyways, where was I? I don't know. On the way back to Noho (on Saturday), I had to change from Peter Pan to the PVTA in Springfield, and I decided I'd skip the earlier PVTA bus and take one an hour later so that I could run by Lou's work and bring him some chicken from Kennedy's. I figured it would be nice, because he usually doesn't get to eat dinner otherwise, and because we hadn't seen each other since Thursday... but I ended up feeling kinda snubbed because he didn't seem enthused about either the chicken or about seeing me, so that was a kind-of a downer to an otherwise really good day. Sigh. Can't win 'em all, I guess, right?
Tonight, I'm heading up to NH with Zach to dog-sit for my parents for a week and a half. Any UV-ers who want to see me while I'm up there should comment! Also, a head's up for everyone who might be thinking of calling me in the next week or so-- my dad will be bringing the cell phone with him on the trip, so for the next two weeks, please, nobody leave me any voicemails that are either a) sexually explicit, or b) of vital importance. If you really need to contact me, you can try calling my parents' house (if you know the number) or just emailing me.
May. 15th, 2006 @ 03:11 pm
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| » much ado |
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Well, I've been busy, that's for sure. Funeral for Lou's dad on Wednesday, which, well, what can I say? It was a funeral. They released 3 white doves when they lowered the coffin and a hawk came along and snagged one of 'em, which horrified everyone but me. I thought it was actually quite poetic and beautiful-- a reminder of how everything beautiful dies so that other beautiful things can live. Lou's dad will go on to become food for trees and frankly, I find that very comforting. *shrug* But I'm not Christian, so what do I know?
Thursday, I went to Boston to see Maria's capstone presentation for her Master's thesis. I enjoyed it thoroughly; even though not all of the presentations were quite the same caliber as Maria's, they were all certainly interesting, at least. I stayed in Boston for 2 nights, and got back late last night. Highlights of the trip:
-I got to get to know one of Maria's other super-close friends, Maggs, who was also visiting Maria. This was interesting on many levels, because Maggs and I are very, very, VERY different in some pretty fundamental ways. Basically, there are a lot of things I like about her... but also a lot of things that, frankly, disturb me. I was pretty tense by the time Maggs finally left (we spent at least a full day having to deal with one another), but I figure it was really good for me to practice (for example) the fine art of diplomatically NOT saying, when someone proudly shows you her ugly diamond engagement ring, "Oh! Hey! Way to support slavery and terrorism in Africa! You go girl!" no matter how desperately you might wish to do so. Sigh.
-Hung out with the ever-fabulous hermionesviolin for a bit-- there was dinner, and then a lovely walk around Cambridge while we talked about... oh, who knows. Stuff. All I know is that I adore her company, and wish I got to bask in it more often.
( Another week, another new crush. )
Oh... there was so much more, but I'm exhausted now, and have to go to sleep. I promise to try to update the rest tomorrow.
May. 15th, 2006 @ 12:28 am
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| » clearly I need some sunlight and fresh air... |
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So, first things first, for those who missed my brief IM away message on Friday... Lou's dad died Thursday night. Naturally, things have been a bit stressful since then. The wake's tomorrow, and the funeral's Wednesday.
There've been other unpleasant things going on, too, like the toilet overflowing Wednesday night and flooding the kitchen below (and then dripping down through to the basement)... or, say, when I got cursed out by Stew's sister yesterday (as if I wasn't terrified enough of her already).
Also, I've been trying my damnedest to get back on the whole job search thing, since the internship ended last Wednesday... but I just am having such a huge crisis of confidence. Lately I've been having pangs of homesickness for Japan that are so bad I can barely sleep. It kills me to realize that I won't be spending this summer there like the last two. It's not even that I don't have the money, I just can't justify spending it. I've wasted too much money in the past year, and it grates on me to not have a real job. But what real job will take me? Nothing, it seems. Getting a translation job is out of the question, since they all want an absurd 3-8 years experience in the field, and really, at this point, how can I in good faith even claim to be a competent translator? I've forgotten all but the most basic kanji, and even my vocabulary is starting to slip. Man... being an English teacher is looking like a better and better option with each passing day... and that's truly a new low.
But I'm serious-- I would do almost anything at this point to get back to Japan. New York? Yeah, sure, it's great... but it's not Tokyo. God, I feel an actual physical longing for the Kyoto train station... it's the worst kind of long distance relationship, because of course, the Kyoto train station will never send me cute little "Hey, sweetie, just sittin here thinking of you!" text messages.
What was I saying? I don't know. I'm terrified. I'm terrified no-one will ever want me, even for the stupidest, lowliest assistant-type job. I'm beginning to doubt myself capable even of working at McDonald's at this point. I know, I know... I know I'm just whining and all I need is to go outside and get some fresh air and maybe do some grocery shopping... but I feel stuck. I don't WANT to get groceries. I don't WANT to spend more money on more resources that I will just use up. I feel wasteful. A waste of resources, and a waste of myself. I am frustrated, and I just want to run away to Japan, and spend the rest of my days there riding the train and making small talk with strangers. Maybe I could buy a house and rent out a room for income. Maybe I could find somewhere to raise alpacas. Or hell, just chickens. I like chickens. Mind you, they don't return the feeling, usually, and have a history of trying to kill my feet (something about my toes, maybe? They are unusually long and slender and worm-like, I guess...), but still, some chickens, a small vegetable garden... what more could I want? I could translate stuff on my own, and if people wanted to buy the finished product, well fabulous, and if not... then not. *shrug* Sigh. I'm clearly going crazy. But at least being crazy helps cheer me up a little, and I'm beginning to feel almost like I could go outside and face the sunlight and the grocery shopping.
May. 8th, 2006 @ 02:04 pm
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| » *sheepish* |
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Sorry to be so absent lately. I've had a lot going on. Here's the highlights.
-I had a job interview (yay!) a week ago that went very lousy (not-so-yay.) Basically, I went to the trouble of borrowing a suit from the Smith CDO (and may I just say that I looked SMASHING in it!), getting Lou to take me down to Manhattan, finding parking, all that... I arrived 20 minutes early, and didn't get in to see her until 20 minutes AFTER the meeting was supposed to start. And then she had another meeting to go to in 10 minutes. And then she spent half our remaining time talking on the phone. And then she said she didn't think it sounded like I'd enjoy the position, but that there was another one opening up in a couple weeks that I might like, and she'd "keep me in mind." Totally lame, but hey, at least it was a good test run, and also, I got to go to Lush and Ikea after the interview, so it wasn't a total waste of a trip. *grin*
-Lou introduced me to adultfriendfinder.com, and I'm thoroughly addicted. Last night, I had an amazingly hot date with a guy I met through it. Also, last week, I met up a few times with a seriously gorgeous UMass guy I met through it. I am, as Maria likes to say, thoroughly 'twitterpated'. *shrug* What can I say? Anyone who's known me for more than a year knows I get like this every spring... *grin*
-I saw Ok Go in concert on Wednesday. It rocked, as I knew it would, and I danced/screamed/sang myself sore, and at the end, got to shake the hand of the bassist (who I have a bit of a crush on). Also, I ran into Stew and his new girlfriend there, which was amusingly awkward. I fell for his new girl almost instantly, but I am pretty certain the sentiment was not returned. Sigh! Such is life, ne? *grin*
-I went white-water canoeing yesterday with the Smith canoeing class and got to chase down a runaway canoe. It was very fun. Also, a girl flipped over and was wet and freezing, so I lent her my dry wetsuit top, and she was grateful, and I was happy. Sigh. I have such a hero complex.
-Lou's dad has taken a turn for the worse (he's in the ICU, isn't conscious, and they keep having to sedate Lou's mom because she gets hysterical), so I'm worried as fuck about him.
-In knitting news, I'm on version 2.2 of my first sweater, and things are coming along pretty well. So far I'm only as far up as the ribcage, though, and let's not even talk about the sleeves... *grin*
-At work, I've been managing to talk to the cute warehouse guys a little bit, which thrills me to pieces. I even interrupted one of them once to ask what he was doing (on the computer), and he actually turned around and grinned at me and explained really enthusiastically... which, you know, seems like a much more positive response than just a one-sentence answer while staring at the computer screen, right? I so badly want to ask him out. *dweeb!*
-I'm heading up for the weekend to hang with my parents/NH peeps. I should go shower and pack up my laundry. *hug* Love to you all!
Apr. 29th, 2006 @ 11:58 am
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| » totally meh |
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My only real news is that my back is in the midst of the worst lockup I've had in years. I am very unhappy about this, and getting a little bit worried, as it started hurting Thursday, and as of today, it's better, but not better enough that I'm not considering calling my spine surgeon. I am simultaneously lonely and desperate to go out, but at the same time feel utterly unfit for human company, and can't stand upright for more than 30 seconds before it starts to spasm. Walking is somewhat more bearable, but I'm terrified that if I go walk into town, it'll suddenly spasm, and I'll have to sit down, and then I'll just be... stuck, you know? I mean, it's not like I wouldn't have people to call who could come rescue me, but still, that just seems like a big mess o' trauma and silliness that I really don't want to instigate... Sigh. At least Lou will be coming up tonight, and maybe I can convince him to bring some movies and replenish my milk supply. In the meantime, I will continue my regime of knitting, watching tv, and taking lots of hot baths... if I'm lucky, I'll also get a couple catnaps in there, because funny thing about my back hurting-- it makes it difficult to sleep for more than 30 minutes at a time. The upside to that is that I had a lot of really interesting dreams last night, which I think was due to the constant waking-up-and-rearranging.
I am also unset that it's such a cold, dreary day. Sigh. Stupid weather.
I will try now to be optimistic for a bit:
-as painful as it is, it's not nearly as bad as it was post-surgery, or post-accident, so that's good.
-I can still put on my own damn socks! Woot!
-while I am low on milk, I nevertheless have plenty of food to last me for a while
-I have a wonderful, sweet boyfriend with a car and an obsession with feeding me yummy food
-BBC's What Not to Wear is on in 20 minutes
-I can still masturbate-- if this were not true, I might have had to kill myself already
Apr. 8th, 2006 @ 11:29 am
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| » express yourself don't repress yourself |
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|
Well, I had a big long entry about the gang rape thing at Duke, but then the stupid cat stepped on my hand and the browser went back, and apparently the autosaved draft thing is only good for saving the first paragraph, all garbled... so I guess maybe if I get the urge I'll rewrite it later. Meh. Suffice to say that I had a big long rant, and lots of links, and... sigh. whatever.
I'm down at Lou's, waiting for a package of his to show up.
Yesterday was nice, because I took the bus down to see him and met a cool guy from Boston. He's almost twice my age, and visits Noho regularly to see his "lady friend", and we talked the whole way down to Spfld and exchanged numbers at the end. Then Lou and I went to the mall, and he used his jedi mind tricks to talk me into buying a yellow shirt. I can't get over it. I have to admit, it does set off my complexion nicely... but damn, yellow? I hate yellow! I don't know what I was thinking. Then, since going to the mall had done nothing to assuage my hankering to get out in the nice weather, I decided I really wanted to go to a cafe that had outdoor tables, and sit outside and drink coffee. Alas, Springfield is lacking in such establishments. So instead, we went down to the local bodega, bought some Spanish coffee, and sat on the stoop watching the sun go down and the moon come out and talking about all the things that Lou would do to try to pull Springfield out of its whirling vortex of despair if he were in charge. I have to admit, he had some damn good ideas. Sigh.
Then we went to pick his mom up from the hospital, where she was keeping his dad company. His dad's in really bad shape. I'm serious, sometimes when you see people in the hospital, and it's worrying because, well, it's the hospital. But then sometimes, you go to see people in the hospital, and it's just so obvious that the person is clinging to life by the tips of their fingers, and of course no one would be so crass as to say that, but it's silently understood. It was like that. I kept having to bite my tongue to keep from crying. So that sucked.
Friday, I made a nice pot/vase that reminds me of a Victorian lady, with a big, bustle-y skirt and nipped-in waist. I was a lot more excited about it before I depressed myself thinking about Lou's dad.
*thinks* Saturday, I did a metric assload of laundry and then hung out with Zach. I hadn't seen him in forever, so that rocked, despite the fact that we stayed up WAY too late. *grin*
Apr. 3rd, 2006 @ 12:21 pm
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| » and the beat keeps on and it keeps on pumpin and the beat keeps on |
|---|
Well, I've had a surprising rash of productivity lately. I like being productive. Let's see... in no particular chronological order:
-We did raku firing at pottery class last Wednesday. I had three items in, one of which got stepped on and broken, but was still beautiful. I am in love with raku firing. It was so fucking cool. The way it works is you open the kiln mid-firing, and take out the white-hot-glowing pieces and bury them in sawdust and newpaper and let them smolder for a while. Then you take them and dunk them in cold water. When they first come out of the kiln, they sparkle all over from the little bits of sawdust that land on them (they're so hot that they immediately set fire to anything that touches them). Sooo cool. And the glazes turn these amazing colors. I will take pictures and post 'em as soon as I remember to recharge my camera batteries.
-On Monday, the weather was gorgeous, and I biked from here to the pottery place, so I could put in some extra pot-throwing time. For those not in the know, I just google-mapped it, and it turns out it's 11 miles each way. Wow. No wonder my legs were a bit wobbly afterwards. I probably wouldn't have tackled it if I'd known it was so far. *grin* It took me about 3-4 hours of biking, total, but that was with a couple of longish breaks on the way there. Anyways, that was great, because I made two very cute little gourd-like pots (they are kinda ribbed and shaped like pumpkins), and also because, on my way home, I passed by a lonely-looking dishwasher sitting at the end of someone's driveway with a big FREE sign on it. I was very excited, because my housemate and I badly need a dishwasher... but of course, there was no way I was getting it home on my bike. So I called Lou and asked if he could help, and lo and behold, the very next morning, he'd somehow managed to talk Nick (Stew's brother) into bringing his pickup up and helping us bring it to Noho. So now we have a dishwasher! It's so fabulous!
-I had Lou company from Tuesday til last night, which was very nice. More about that in the filtered section. *grin*
-*ponders* I know I had more... I swear it... but now I'm just staring outside, feeling the sunlight on my leg... and dying to go biking again. I think I'll make the trek out to the pottery place again-- I have an idea for rolling clay really thin and draping it over something round to make a bowl... hmm... and I still haven't made a single teacup...
Mar. 31st, 2006 @ 09:15 am
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| » Ai-i-yai-i-yai don't get by without my mind leaving traces on your spine |
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My fabulous roomie's out of town for the week, so Lou came over Tuesday night, stayed Wednesday night, too... and then stayed Thursday... and then Friday night he was like, "Hey, do you mind if I stay another night?" and astonishingly enough, I didn't mind. I attribute this to the fact that my sleep schedule's been weird for me lately-- I've been going to bed and waking up quite early (like, asleep by midnight-1, up by 7-8), which meant that every morning I had about 2 hours to myself to just chill and knit while he cuddled with a pillow and snored. Time to myself to chill and knit is very important to my not getting crazy and snappish. Anyways, it was a thoroughly enjoyable time we had together, with much snuggling, watching of Samurai Champloo (*love!*), and multiple visits to the post office/hardware store/just wandering around town together. Also, we went out to dinner a couple times, because I am a bad, bad girl and cannot resist taking him out to dinner sometimes. Indian one night, and Thai the other. We also did plenty of cooking, though, including a fabulous late-night pasta concoction with both plain and spinach-artichoke linguinis in a cream-and-parmesan sauce with mushroom-and-oniony goodness in it. Anyways, regardless of how wonderful it was to have large amounts of quality time with mi amor, I am also now revelling in the true alone time, and dancing around the kitchen, singing to myself, and talking French at the cats. (The post's title is from one of the songs I'm currently amusing myself with. Ai-i-yai-i-yai don't get by without my mind leavin' traces on your spine I'm goin' down I'm down I'm down and I have nowhere baby that I'm ever leavin' you alone alone alone alone again. Wish I could be true to you could be the only one I never knew if you were leavin' if you wanted me to go, oh-oh-oh-oh. And sweetness is the only way I know to make you whole but if I'm leavin then it's never gonna be the way to know. And I get by oh I get by with nothing at all but I get by and maybe you'll wish that you could hold me hold me maybe you'll be free? O-oh-only you could set me free.) Other than lots of knitting, though, I'm getting absolutely nothing useful done. Tomorrow I will try to remedy that.
I'm sure there is more to report about the past week, but damned if I can remember anything right now. Sorry I'm teh lamexor.
Mar. 26th, 2006 @ 12:12 am
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| » I should shower, but I don't want to |
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So much has happened since I last wrote, but here's the general jist:
-last weekend (ie: a week ago last friday), my dad came down to pick up the old car. He also brought me my bike, so now I am officially car-less, but the weather's been getting nicer, and I heart my bike hardcore. Also, I've rediscovered how much I love riding the bus. Yes, it's a pain in the ass to figure out how/when/where to get on and off (getting down to Spfld, for example, requires a transfer), especially with the insanely low-rez maps they have that don't actually show where all the stops are... but that's ok. It reminds me of being in Japan, I think, and that's probably part of why I like it so much. Also, I love eavesdropping on other people's conversations. Also, it's mad cheap. All of these things endear the bus to me. Maybe I will never have a car again.
-also last weekend, I helped my parents do some demolitioning in the upstairs of their house (my mom has decided that her life Simply Cannot Go On without renovation-- my dad would've preferred to spend the time and money on a trip to Hawaii instead, but he's a feminist, so... really, I'm not sure where I was going with that. *grin*) Anyways, I got to knock down studs with a sledge hammer, which was great. What was less great was that my very first day, not 20 minutes into my first shift, I knocked a light fixture down on my head. It gave me a very small, but very deep gash on the bridge of my nose, which our neighbor-doctor superglued together for me, and which is now healing very nicely, and will leave quite a fetching little scar, I think.
-there was also much fun with JJ that weekend, including rollerblading and dancing. *much with the happy*
-this week has been mostly uneventful, I think... I can't remember anything out of the ordinary, anyways... Although my skin has been really freaking out lately. That saddens me.
-This weekend was fun, because beowabbit came to visit me from Boston. I did my best to show him around, and we generally had a good time. I must remember to not take people to Moshi Moshi on Saturday nighs, though, because they get busy, and the cooking isn't quite as good. Also, we saw Transamerica, which was not at all what I expected, but quite wonderful nonetheless. I cried near the end. The actual ending seemed a bit pat, but the rest of the movie was good enough to make me forgive that. Anyways, on his way back down to I-90 the next morning, beowabbit dropped me off at Lou's.
-yesterday, Lou and I went to have dinner with his bio-dad and step-mom, who I'd never met before (I had already met his bio-mom and step-dad, however-- back before we were dating.) I was mildly terrified, because I know his dad's always ragging on Lou about being too white and shit, and here I am, the whitest half-Puerto Rican there ever was, I can't even speak Spanish, and... yeah. I was just worried they'd hate me. But they were both utterly sweet to me, and I fell absolutely in love with Lou's step-mom, Juana, despite the fact that we mostly had to communicate with Lou as a translator, since she speaks about as much English as I do Spanish. She was both a sweetheart AND an amazing cook, and I think that next time we go over there, I'm going to be all girly and hang out with her in the kitchen while she makes stuff-- maybe if I'm lucky, she'll even let me slice the plantanos! It will be good for us to practice our respective languages, too, right? *grin* *such a food-and-foreign-language whore* Also, she showed us a picture of her daughter (Lou's stepsis), and DAMN. SOOOO HOT. Lou was all teasing me about being a pedophile when we left, but damn. I mean, she's almost out of highschool, so that's, you know... ALMOST legal... right? *such a lech*
-now, I'm just procrastinating before I go drive Lou's car to the parking garage near where he's working, go get him some coffee and breakfast to bring to him at work, and then I'm going to take a bus up to the Holyoke mall (I desperately need new pants), and from there up to Noho. It looks like a beautiful cold and sunny day outside. *ponders* I don't think I have any other news... except, oh!
-I am knitting myself a giant stuffed squid. It is a kinda dusky blue, and I'm contemplating making little suckers on the tentacles in a different color-- maybe purple. I love cephalopods. I was inspired by this post: http://community.livejournal.com/knitting/6713343.html (I can't remember the code for links right now, sorry--- I'll clean it up when I'm feeling less lazy...) But you really should check out the link, because the pictures of the squid are really awesome. Ok, that's all. I think.
*hug!*
Mar. 20th, 2006 @ 09:48 am
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| » Price Czech, Aisle 5 |
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Not too much goin' on in my life lately (what else is new, eh?)
Today: got up early, had Lou take me to the Honda dealership to pick up my car before he headed back down to Spfld. The guy who works there, Matt, seemed very friendly when I'd dropped it off a week ago, and indeed, this time, while I was waiting for them to total my bill/bring my car around, he chatted me up, and made special note of the fact that he'd moved up here to be with his now-ex-girlfriend. If he'd been cuter, and I'd been feeling less scruffy-PMS-y-and-generally-unattractive, I probably woulda taken the bait and at least enquired as to whether he'd found a new girlfriend... but I just wasn't feeling up to it. I don't want to be that customer.
Anyways, then, grocery shopping. I bought pizza dough and came home and made myself pizza for breakfast and watched the Project Runway finale. Sigh. Not that I don't love Chloe, but damn, did she have some ugly stuff. Whatever. This is why I'm in neither the fashion nor the showbiz industry.
Yesterday, pottery class, which was almost entirely unproductive, and then Lou made me a delicious breakfast, with bacon and everything... *so happy*, and then work. Work was fun, because there was much socializing. I am still pining over the cute guy, but trying to just, well, not fall over every time I see him. Sigh. I do wish they'd give me something new to do at work, tho... for the past 5 times, all I've done is just work on the index for the Art Traveller's Guide to Prague, which is really interesting, because I'm learning all sorts of neat art history stuff... but sucks because it's tedious, thankless, neverending work. The problem is that the index was all set up... and then some editing made the pages all wonky in the body of the book... so now I have to go through the entire index and check that all the pages it references are really the right pages. SO frustrating. If I just had to write the whole index from scratch, it would be so much better. Plus, I can't stop myself from writing little suggestions for it. Like, it has all the saints indexed, so that you can, say, find all the paintings of St. Francis in Prague, if you wanted to... but there's no listing for the Virgin Mary. Does that not seem absurd to you? I looked everywhere I could think of, but there's no "Virgin Mary", or, alternatively, "Mary, Virgin", or "saints: Mary", or "Madonna", or ANYTHING! I am baffled. I mean, you can't go 5 pages in this book without coming across another reference to a painting or sculpture (or hell, entire church!) devoted to her. ...maybe that's the problem... maybe they can't have an entry for her, because it would just take up a whole extra page just to list all her references... Hm... Either way, it's kind-of annoying to me. Plus, they left out cubism. How do you leave out fucking Cubism??? Sheesh. *overly-perfectionistic*
Yesterday was also fun because we got the most absurd unsolicited manuscript EVER. I swear, the very first sentence had "rediculous", "diseption", and "maticulous" in it. And it wasn't just the spelling (or lack thereof)... it was supposed to be a political thriller (I THINK), and so there'd be lines from, I dunno, somebody in the CIA, and every once in a while, he'd randomly start rapping... I'm serious. There was something like, "You better not mess this up, we better get this fixed, or we'll look like a bunch of idiots, standing holding our dicks. KILL UM! KILL UM DEAD!" What really confused me, though, was that it had been written on a computer, and clearly with an advanced wordprocessing program... yet CLEARLY hadn't been spell-checked. *boggled* Anyways, yeah... too crazy.
Let's see... Tuesday? Work. Knitting. Lou. That's about it.
Monday, much knitting, and also some (admittedly minor) headway on the getting-a-real-job front. Also, there may have been some downloading for porn. *sheepish*
Mar. 9th, 2006 @ 01:02 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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Shamelessly stolen from mistressfung...
The Five Love LanguagesMy primary love language is probably
Words of Affirmation
with a secondary love language being
Physical Touch.
Complete set of results| Words of Affirmation: | | 10 | | Physical Touch: | | 9 | | Quality Time: | | 7 | | Acts of Service: | | 3 | | Receiving Gifts: | | 1 |
Information Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.
Take the quiz
Mar. 7th, 2006 @ 04:04 pm
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| » Wafflicious |
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So I used up some leftover waffle batter this morning, and it was lookin' kinda thick (from sitting around for a week), so I added a big spoonful of greek yogurt. This did nothing to thin it out, so I added some orange juice. The resulting waffles were, I dare say, even better than the originals. I will definitely repeat this experiment next time I make waffles.
Let's see... yesterday, I actually did some work on my resume, which was good. I fell in love with the publicist at www.vertical-inc.com, who is the person their ad says to send resumes to. The way I fell in love with her was by reading their blog, which she is the caretaker of. She's so damn cool... I really want to work there, now. Unfortunately, they want fluent Japanese speakers. I am verra nervous.
Also, yesterday, I got a random visit from Monsieur Le greendalek, which was fabulous. We got coffee, and then I showed him the Smith campus center, and then we walked around town a bit (and went into the Tunnel Bar, which I'd never actually had the nerve to go into before-- man, was it spiffy!), and then we got dinner at La Veracruzana, which I hadn't been to in, oh, probably about a year. Much with the yummy. We ran into the uber-fabulous Casey while we were there, but alas, she was too busy to hang out. After he left to return to the Upper Valley, I went to go get coffee with Stew and Heather. My stomach complained mightily about the overindulgence in coffee (which I actually haven't been drinking hardly at all lately), but these are the sacrifices we make for socialization, right? *grin* Plus, I suppose I should take into account that it was nice of them to suggest going for coffee, since I think they usually prefer going to bars. Anyways, then we went down to my apartment, and Stew fixed my port-forwarding problem (ahh, geek love!), and we hung out for a bit. All in all, it was a really enjoyable time. I find myself wondering if Stew and I will ever actually sit down and properly slog through all the post-break-up stuff... but I also kinda find myself wondering if we really even need to. I definitely don't still have that anxiety of not-understanding that I used to. I've achieved a sort of Zen about it, without even noticing it. I suspect that now that we're actually talking/interacting, and he isn't just a complete informational void anymore, I can let go of the things I still don't understand.
I think I'm being kinda abstract and confusing here, so I'll stop.
****
Today, my plans include walking off all the delicious food I've been eating lately (not only have I been taking a lot of people out to dinner lately, but I haven't been doing much knitting, so all my creative energies have been bursting out in my culinary endeavors), rescuing my car from the mechanic's (though it's still not fixed), and writing up some cover letters to send out with my resume.
****
Also, since my darling beowabbit posted about a dream of his last night, I'll recount a strange dream I had last night. I dreamed that I was at home, lying in bed, pretending to snore and be asleep while my mom looked in on me to see if I was awake. I was apparently doing a very convincing job of it, too. Weird, huh?
Mar. 6th, 2006 @ 10:57 am
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| » nothing to report. |
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I like this:
http://deathcabforcutie.com/directions/
I also like that I found it via the blog of the lady I'm gonna be sending my resume to when I apply for a japanese translation job. Not her personal blog, that would be stalkerish (not that I'm not stalkerish, but...), but via the actual company blog. She also swears a lot in it. I like that. I want to work for this company. *joblust*
Mar. 5th, 2006 @ 02:22 pm
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| » sooo lame today |
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I should be doing, you know, stuff... but instead I'm just lazing around the house, watching TV, and eating French bread with swanky imported French butter that I couldn't resist buying at Trader Joe's. Oh, the impulse buying..... *so naughty*
Here's a quiz I picked up from JJ that I think is surprisingly accurate, considering all the questions were about, well, animals...
| The Keys to Your Heart | 
You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.
In love, you feel the most alive when everything is uncertain, one moment heaven... the next moment hell.
You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.
Your risk of cheating is 100%. You are not suited for a monogamous relationship.
You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.
In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered. |
And here's a meme from moonstaff that I found amusing:
Top 5 Most Effective Things to Bribe Me With (listed in the order in which I thought of them):
1. A Back- &/or Footrub
2. Home-cooked food, (especially if you're a guy.)
3. Naked pictures of yourself &/or any hot girls you happen to know.
4. Mix CDs with unusual music.
5. Compliments made regarding my muscle tone/general buffness are more in the category of "flattery" than "bribing", I guess, but they're so embarrassingly effective at getting me to do nice things for you that I figure it still counts... ;D
Mar. 4th, 2006 @ 03:04 pm
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| » Why I love my internship part 465 |
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So I'm proofing the Australian wildlife guide for capitalization inconsistencies, and I come across the phrase "feral cattle still roam the park".
Am I the only one who thinks there's something inherently amusing about the words "feral cattle"?
*glee!*
Feb. 28th, 2006 @ 01:27 pm
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